FOUND IT

For the past... about eight years I've had this book that would randomly pop into my head. It was this story where a girl lives next door to this house that's haunted and she goes there for some reason and she starts to live a life that turns out to be a past life and it's been HAUNTING MY MIND.

Well I found it :D

It turns out it's called "The House Next Door" by Richie Tankersley Cusick. It's an amazing book and it turns out it's a UK book which would explain why it was so difficult to find. It took a little over two hours of serious searching to find it. And believe me when I say serious searching. It was driving me insane.

See it wouldn't usually be like this but something was different about this one. I found the book when I was like nine or ten years old and it was the only copy at the book fair and it looked good so I picked it up. Probably not the best thing for me to read because there were points where I didn't understand it one bit. But see I talked about it to people and no one had even heard of it.

I have a slight issue with figuring out whether something was reality or just in my head and, trust me, this was another one of those things that made me question that.

My own personal insanity aside there's a reason why I randomly thought about it again. SOOOOo one of my friends wrote a book and I read it and for some reason it reminded me of it (they are nothing alike by the way it was just this one part). So I was up until five o'clock this morning after having only like... five hours of sleep in the past week because I couldn't stop reading it. It didn't help when it ended in a cliffhanger that's for dang sure.

I was reading for exactly eight hours and eight minutes straight, it was insane. I love what she wrote. I really hope she gets it published.

That's the issue with writing. No matter how good one person might think you are the decision of your writing is based off pure opinion. I know people who would hate what she wrote just as many people as I know that would love it.

Ahh a whole post dedicated only to books.

No but seriously. "The House Next Door" I need to find my copy or buy it again used or not, all I know is I have to read it again, it would be so much better to me now that I'm older.

Ahh I have to end with a song don't I? Hmmm let's go with

"I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"-- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus "Your Guardian Angel"

You Have My Attention

I just kinda realized, I've been ignoring the people around me. I always pride myself on being able to peg everyone's personality and such but I can't even keep a hold of the friends I already have. Well... I do... I keep hold of them but I don't keep track of them.

Here's what made me realize this. A friend of mine, her engagement is on the rocks. Okay, so I've never met him and every time she mentions him I roll my eyes because she seems to constantly mention him (no offense) but she's happy. I mean really what more can I ask for but that she's happy.

I don't know how to tell my friend Elimy that she should just give up on the guy who keeps breaking her heart. I mean, when they're together she goes between happy and in hell but when they're apart she's in hell for a little bit but after a month realizes it was for the better and starts to be really happy and then he talks to her and her life seems to go to hell off and on again.

This leads me to my friends Karlie and Lynn. I consider them both my best friends and yet every time I talk to them I feel like I'm learning a bunch of new things even if it's only been for like, a week.

I was reading Karlie's blog and that's what made me realize it. It made me think about how much I really have been missing all this time. The worst part is it's not even because I've been ignoring them for internet or TV or random stuff like that. It's been because I haven't been able to get outside myself for long enough to pay attention.

With Lynn it just feels like she hasn't been telling me things. Like she's been trying to hide things from me and I can't help but feel bad that I don't know what they are.

I think going back to my old school will help. I think everything will get better. At this school I have nearly no motivation. Along with that I should probably go start my math homework. Ah well, see ya.

"It happened again,
You're afraid to open up or just give in
'Cause someone's gonna hurt you
Like you've been in the past
Heal the wounds, be broken glass,
Now you're jaded but please don't fade away" -- Artist vs. Poet "Giving Yourself Away"

Emotion

Emotion is something that can over-take us against our will. When it all comes down to it do we ever really fight the emotion that threatens to overwhelm us? Or do we just sit there pushing lightly against the door that holds us inside our minds?

I look around quite a few times a day and have gotten quite good at reading emotions for different people. I don't know how but it seems to be helpful when it comes to schooling.

I'll be on Facebook or MySpace and read the different things of couples that have just gotten together a week before that are my age and in some cases younger than me (14-17).

Half the time their status will be "I love him" or "I love you [insert name here]".

There's nothing wrong with this I mean come on, think about it. GREAT! They're in love! But what really makes me question the ranges of emotions is when they've been 'dating' for a week or maybe two.

How do we know what love is when there are so many variations of it?

Hate is such a strong word. How do we know when we hate? When we look at someone and immediately want to throw up or leave the room? But in many books isn't that glorified as a form of love? We love them so much we can hardly stand to be around them? We are so nervous we want to throw up?

So how can we really tell the difference between two of the strongest emotions on this planet when both of the descriptions can be glorified for the other? Can we stop it? Can we truly tell everything apart or are we subjected to be slaves of our emotions for our whole life?

People say think with your head not your heart. While others say think with your heart not your head.

But the only way we can think something with our head is if it passes through our emotions first and we can't act on what we decide with our heart without using our head to go through it.

I'm not against love. Being caught in a whirlwind of emotion myself at this moment. I am not against love and I am not against hate. I am just wondering if we ever get to know if we actaully love them.

I know I smile when I even think about talking to one certain person and I smirk when thinking about talking to my best friends. My stomach feels heavy when I think about talking to someone else. I feel nothing when talking to someone else.

We claim to know love... we claim to know hate... what if the only difference between the feelings of love and hate is that if we feel an emotion like love we smile and when we feel hate we grow angry or annoyed?

"Hello you
How was the rest?
You made it through
But nevertheless
I got you, out on a wire
You be love and I’ll be a liar" -- Lights and Sounds by Yellowcard